Why Do We Keep Starting Over?
There's something about September that feels a little like January.
Summer winds down. Routines return. And suddenly there's that familiar feeling of...
"Okay. Time to get back on track."
Maybe you've decided you're going to start:
Exercising again.
Eating better.
Getting to bed earlier.
Drinking more water.
Stopping the nighttime snacking.
Or finally taking better care of yourself.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to make changes.
But I've been thinking about how often we believe change requires us to start over.
Monday.
September.
January 1st.
After the vacation.
After the birthday.
After we finish what's left in the cupboard.
We draw an imaginary line between the person we've been and the person we're going to become.
I've done this too.
Despite spending decades working in nutrition and behaviour change, I still know that little surge of optimism that comes with deciding, "Right. I'm going to get back into a routine."
I'll go to the gym more regularly.
I'll stop watching so much TV in the evenings.
I'll make more time for friends and socializing.
And for a while, maybe I do. But then...life happens, right?
A busy week.
A poor night's sleep.
Someone I care about needs me.
I skip the gym class I had planned to attend.
Lunch happens at 3:00 instead of noon or 1pm.
I get sick and miss a few days of routine.
And this is where the old thinking can creep in:
"Well, that didn't last."
"I'll start again Monday."
But what if nothing actually needs to start over?
The problem with the fresh start...
Starting over can feel wonderful because it gives us a clean slate.
Yesterday's choices no longer count.
Tomorrow's version of us will somehow be more motivated, organized and disciplined.
The trouble is that it can quietly reinforce all-or-nothing thinking.
We are either on track or off track.
Doing well or doing badly.
Following the plan or failing at it.
And once we've gone "off," starting over feels like the only way back.
But real life rarely works in straight lines.
There will always be stressful weeks.
Celebrations.
Vacations.
Illness.
Poor sleep.
Busy days.
Meals that don't go as planned.
Times when movement feels wonderful and times when it doesn't happen at all.
Sustainable change has to have room for all of that.
What if you just... continued?
I've started to think there's something much kinder, and ultimately more useful, about continuing instead of restarting.
You don't need to compensate for yesterday.
You don't need a stricter plan tomorrow.
You don't need to wait until Monday.
You simply make the next choice from where you are right now.
Maybe you haven't been to the gym for three weeks. You don't need to "get back on track."
You could simply go to a class today.
Maybe you've been eating differently than you'd like. You don't need a cleanse, a reset or a perfect week.
You could simply ask what would feel nourishing at your next meal.
Maybe you've been putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own again. You haven't failed at self-care.
Perhaps today you find ten minutes that belong to you.
There's nothing for you to undo.
There's only the next opportunity to care for yourself.
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A Gentle Reflection
Is there something in your life you've been telling yourself you need to "start again"?
See what happens if you change the language.
Instead of:
"I need to get back on track."
Try:
"What's one small way I could support myself today?"
No promises about tomorrow.
No making up for yesterday.
No waiting for Monday.
Just today.
Because perhaps lasting change isn't about becoming really good at starting over.
Maybe it's about learning that you never actually went back to the beginning.
Every experience taught you something.
Every interruption was part of your real life.
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And wherever you find yourself today...you can simply continue.
Until next time, here's to fewer fresh starts, and more gentle next steps.
Warmly, Shelley