What Does Self-Care Look Like When Life is Messy?
I’ve been thinking about self-care lately.
Not the bubble-bath, candles-and-a-good-book kind.
The less obvious kind.
The kind we need when life is busy, routines are disrupted, and there doesn’t seem to be much space left for ourselves.
That’s where I am at the moment.
We’re preparing for a big cross-country move, which means my days have been filled with packing, sorting and purging years’ worth of belongings. At the same time, I’ve wanted to be available for family members who need me.
My usual routines have become…not very usual.
And I’ve noticed the effect.
I’m someone who can get caught in my head. I think things through. And then sometimes I think them through again.
And again.
A problem that doesn’t have an immediate solution can become a mental loop. My mind will revisit it from different angles as though one more round of thinking might finally resolve it.
The interesting thing is that I know what to do when this happens.
These are the very strategies I teach.
Notice the thought.
Recognize that thinking about it for the seventeenth time probably isn’t going to solve it.
Imagine setting it aside for now.
Take a breath.
Feel my feet on the ground.
Come back to what’s actually happening in this moment.
And yet…I don’t always do it.
Knowing how to care for ourselves and actually remembering to do it when we’re stressed are two very different things.
When our usual anchors disappear
I’ve also been reminded lately of how much our routines quietly support us.
Regular meals.
Movement.
Sleep.
Time outside.
A few minutes of quiet.
Whatever normally gives our day some rhythm.
When life becomes unusually busy, these are often the first things to go.
Ironically, they’re also some of the things that help us cope with being unusually busy.
And that’s where I think our ideas about self-care can sometimes get in the way.
We imagine self-care as something additional we need to fit in.
I should meditate.
I should exercise.
I should meal prep.
I should journal.
Suddenly taking care of ourselves becomes another list of things we’re not managing to do very well.
Maybe self-care during messy seasons needs to look different.
Maybe it gets smaller.
What would help me right now?
Some days, caring for myself might mean recognizing that I’m caught in a mental loop and deciding:
I don’t need to solve this right now.
It might mean stopping what I’m doing long enough to eat lunch.
Or go outside for ten minutes.
Maybe I take three slow breaths before packing the next box.
Or notice that I’m exhausted and decide that today’s list doesn’t actually need to be finished.
None of these things is particularly impressive, I know.
But maybe that’s the point.
Self-care doesn’t have to be another project.
It can simply be the practice of noticing when we’ve wandered away from ourselves…and gently bring ourselves back.
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A Gentle Reflection
If life feels particularly busy or unsettled for you right now too, forget about creating the perfect self-care routine.
Instead, pause once today and ask:
What is happening inside me right now?
And then:
What would support me in this moment?
Maybe you need:
food
movement
quiet
to say no
to put down a thought you’ve been carrying around all day, or
one full breath before carrying on.
You do not have to overhaul your day.
Just practise coming back to yourself within it.
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That’s something I’m reminding myself of right now.
Until next time, remember that self-care doesn’t have to be another thing you get right.
Sometimes, it’s simply noticing what you need and responding with a little more kindness.
Warmly, Shelley